you should give me head with plastic fangs in
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
