I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
