It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
