Do you still have your period?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
