Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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