Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
