I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i now understand why vodka
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
