Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
