you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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