I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just invented taco cereal.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I love you. Go after that dick
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
