I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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