OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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