I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
