i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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