he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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