You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We need a shit load of segways right now
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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