I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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