and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize