remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
