Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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