My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
