This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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