"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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