Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
