dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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