Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
