I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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