So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
