Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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