Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
