so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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