I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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