Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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