I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
