So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
