Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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