it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
