please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
