I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
