You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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