I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
