I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
