I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
