I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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