dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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