yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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