you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
