Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
