don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
