You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
