I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
