I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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