I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize