He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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