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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
