I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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