your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm really into asian looking animals
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
