If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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