at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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