what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You took a bar mat shot.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
