I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize