So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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