She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize