Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
