from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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