it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
