I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
