Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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