we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize