what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
