Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
