the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sober January is a disaster.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
