I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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