Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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