lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
