What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
