obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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