where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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