when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
