Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
