but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
