Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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