btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
