I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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