Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
