The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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