I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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