I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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