Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
