You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
