Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
