i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize