I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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