i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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