and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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