Can Purell be used as lube?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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