Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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