I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
